Becoming a Dad

I really wanted to sit down and put finger to iPad (!) about what will surely be the biggest event of my now 30 years. On or about 14th May, 2012, I will have the great joy of becoming a dad.

Of course, we and the wider world have known all about it for some months now. Still, until we found out the sex of the baby at Karen's 18 week checkup (IT'S A BOY!!), I have to admit that the whole idea of becoming a parent to my own living, breathing child has felt rather surreal, not least because of the long road of disappointment and heartbreak we have had to travel to get here.

Now, all of a sudden there are a whole raft of new concerns and matters to think about, most of which are wholly alien to me!

WHAT IS ALL THIS STUFF FOR?!

For a start, a baby needs ONE HELL of a lot of "stuff"!! There are pushchair (stroller) systems, high chairs, playpens (pack and plays), cots (cribs), bedding, activity centres, a gazillion nappies (diapers), breast pumps, baby monitors, books, toys, healthcare and grooming items <inhale> and those are just the categories I can think of off the top of my head!

Then there are the clothes and diapers (nappies). Babies can go through up to four wardrobe changes a day, so I'm told, and apparently grow through sizes so fast you can practically see it!! This makes deciding how much to buy of what a bit of a challenge :-) Add to this the choice between onesies (babygrows) and tiny little "real" clothes, and I'm one confused daddy-to-be! One thing's for sure though, starting to shop for tiny baby clothes makes it all seem a lot more real.

With all these purchases to make, I really thank my lucky stars that we have "baby showers" in this country, which are basically a chance to celebrate the expectant parents' forthcoming arrival and give them tonnes of free swag! We are doubly lucky here, as Karen's Mom in Albuquerque threw one for us at Christmas for family friends, in addition to the one that I now hear is being arranged by our friends here in Virginia. A big thank you to all for your generosity!

WHAT'S IN A NAME?

Another thing that causes me some trepidation is the awesome responsibility of selecting a name for our little boy. We certainly don't help ourselves by being so multicultural, as we have to give thought to how a name will sound to people both in the US and the UK, to ensure that there will not be any great disagreements on the way to pronounce it.

On top of this, fastidious linguist that she is, Karen worries about numbers of syllables and not having the name end in an "s", thus creating a harder-to-pronounce double "s" in the middle! She has also mentioned not having a name that is unpronounceable in our foreign languages, as we hope to inspire our kid to be a linguist at some level or other.

Unfortunately, from my perspective, she also wants to choose a more unusual name to pair with the distinctly ordinary "Smith". I, on the other hand, worry that this will sound silly!

To be honest, I'm pretty sceptical about unusual names in general, and to my British ear, there are plenty around here. Melting pot that we are here in the US, a great many names from other cultures, which I have never heard back home, are popular.

Right now, I think it's fair to say we don't have a clue!

THE BIRTHING PROCESS

There is also a lot to learn and many decisions to make when it comes to just how we want the birth of our little one to happen. Throughout both of our pregnancies, we have been going to a midwifes' practice for checkups and scans. In Europe, using the services of a midwife is quite the norm; over here, however, they are apparently only involved in 10% of births.

We recently watched a great documentary, The Business of Being Born, on the subject of childbirth choices, which explains how in the early 20th century, the medical establishment set about effectively demonising the entire discipline of midwifery as an outdated, unscientific relic of the "Old World".

As a result, today large numbers of births are handled by MDs, whose expertise is more appropriate to medical emergencies and surgery during labour. The whole process of giving birth has been transformed from a woman's natural function into a "condition". Rather than letting nature take its course, where possible, the modern wisdom is that a drug-free birth is almost impossible.

In fact, the epidural – commonly administered in conventional births to relieve pain - can actually slow down and stop labour, which then needs to be counteracted with other drugs. It also paralyses the mother from the waist down, vastly reducing her ability to position herself and push effectively. Evidence seems to suggest that this makes interventions such as caesareans, and use of mechanical birth aids (forceps, vacuum extractor) far more common.

Celebrity culture, of course, has its own part to play in this change in thinking, as the idea of 'elective caesareans' (choosing to have a caesarean birth instead of regular vaginal labour) has become a real alternative as well.

The natural childbirth movement is a small but vocal group which challenges the idea that it HAS to be this way. They argue that birth is a natural process, not a ‘condition’, and that fully experiencing the sensation of giving birth, including the pain, is all part of it.

One of the techniques central to the 'natural' route is the Bradley method, which advocates relaxation techniques to manage pain and different positions for during labour, contrary to the 'traditional' idea of being flat on your back, possibly paralysed by an epidural.

Supporting this more natural birthing process are birthing centres, which are run by independent, but still highly qualified midwives. They provide a relaxed, more tranquil environment for the birth, including offering water birth, which helps the labouring mother by supporting her weight, as well as encouraging her to remain mobile.

The rooms themselves are amazing - pretty much like penthouses - and such a calming environment is helpful, because some research shows that the birth process can be slowed or even halted by the interruptions and hectic atmosphere of a hospital environment.


With their lower numbers of expectant mothers, they also guarantee the chance to get to know and trust the actual midwife who will be assisting in the birth, a rarity in the shift-based hospital setting.

The statistics on interventions (caesareans, episiotomies) achieved by the birthing centre we are considering speak for themselves; they are much better than those achieved in a traditional hospital setting.

SIGHTS AND SOUNDS OF BABY

Our ultrasound checkups have come to be such an exciting time, especially for me who is unable to feel the baby grow in utero.

I can’t describe the feeling of that first time we saw the tiny little beating dot of the embryo, dwarfed by its yolk sack. It’s been a tough road, but that moment was just perfect.

Another precious moment was to hear the baby’s heartbeat. This recording is actually from the second time, and voice is the midwife trying to bait him by listing names of football (soccer) teams - the bang you hear in the middle is actually a kick!

So then, plenty still to learn, and only 106 days to go! Best get cracking!!!

Mark